2000
2000

If You Read Science Fiction

I ponder about speaking
As I watch you dig in the garden with bare hands
To get back from the earth
The tranquility you plant with each tree.
I wonder,
If you feel your own hands often enough
If you look at your own reflection in the river-
When out in the wilderness

Watching you sit on a lump of time
Shaped to hold your body
Is exciting
“Wrap yourself in the night’s blanket!” I try to shout
“And keep your eyelids shut
“The sunrise will happen by itself!”
No sound comes out of my mouth
I feel invaded by overused, empty, inflated words
How patient will you be to see beyond convention? I ask myself
How quick to pigeonhole me? …and shudder at the thought.

What if you read science fiction,
I feel uplifted with the thought
Then I can convince you without words
That my god –when not hibernating-
Is a shape-shifter
Who changes from a ray of light
A chunk of silence
And a raging river
To the ligaments of my heart
When the moment calls for tenderness.

July 20, 2000

Have You Ever?

Have you ever walked with the morning sun?
Laughing at clumsy roof tops and sleepy trees
In their old-fashioned gold sprinkled hats?
Watching the powerful urge to start
Beam out of your body into the new day?

Have you ever melted with the moonlight’s silvery rain?
Ever so quietly
As if you belonged solely to the night
From the moment you were born?

Have you ever held newborn babies tight?
Feeling the anxiety of the unknown
Chased away with the intensity of life
And the glow of the desire to be
Emanating from their warm sanguine cheeks?

Have you ever felt breathless?
On a quiet forsaken road
Tied to a remote magnetic horizon
Pulling you all the way in
To something you have no words for
Something behind the mountains you know you can touch
If you reached deep enough inside?

Have you ever swam at sundown
In a dreamy little lake
With dragonflies racing above the head
Friendly sea weeds playing with your toes
And the sun’s molten red glow
Brushing against your bare skin?

Have you ever been washed off the shore?
By a giant giant wave
Feeling with the tip of your fingers
In that chaotic moment
The boarder between fear and joy
In that tucked away corner of your mind
Where losing control and freedom
Compete for your attention?

Have you ever loved?

July 15, 2000

Making Contact

The fourth floor feels remote in the dingy apartment
The summer’s bright coat covers the sleepy afternoon.
There stands my friend, the little man, the fiddler
The air is filled with an elusive, copper-red, nostalgic tune

Suddenly I am so lonely, I can burst into tears
Look across the room at the lady with the quiet gentle face
A half smile flashes from under a polite graceful nod
I know I won’t touch anything as I scratched the surface

The walls begin to cave in with the spreading waves of music
I must have let go, for I am lifted up, floating with the tide
Everyone is a little more bearable, less closed in, less masked
As I open up for the copper-red music to poor inside

I catch a shy sad smile to my far far left
As I turn and see my friend, the fiddler’s wife, sitting there
I know its time for me to talk as our eyes meet
Hers lovely and brown filled to the brim with despair

I grab a Divan of Hafez from the table and dive into the first ode
Gasping with the first shock of jumping into the sea
My friend the fiddler slows to make room for my voice
I move with the warm ocean currents that surround me

I am reading, riding, floating, flaying
Jumping, running, gliding, glowing
Touching, teasing, reaching out, releasing
Tasting the fresh watery ease of flowing

Suddenly, politeness has melted with the urgency to feel the words
To inhale their freshness, their resonance, their life
The lady across the room has tears in her eyes
So does my shy quiet friend, the fiddler’s wife

Outside the window, the summer’s bright coat
Is pulled in all directions by the playful afternoon
I pause to make room for my friend the fiddler
Who makes his way back with a nostalgic silvery tune

July 6, 2000

Playing with Time

They come in waves before you know it:
Finished basements
Oak kitchen cabinets
Granite countertops
Fancy skylights
Nicely fenced yards

“How about a spot for writing poetry?” I think out loud
“What?” the agent looks puzzled
“Well, you can put your desk in any room you like,
I suppose”

I don’t have a desk, I continue to think
Desks are killers when it comes to writing poetry
You need to be able to run wild, you see
How else can you grab a piece of time
Stretch it to infinity
And pretend nothing unusual has happened?
Fenced by a desk, you will never…

The agent is pointing to the fancy brickwork
Around the fireplace in another room
I am talking to myself, again

June 24, 2000

No Shields for me!

I am a naked tree without my laughter!
No noisy bird songs
No sunlight dancing on the green palms of my hands
No green palms!
No rustling to tease the wind out of its childish rage.

Only the weight of silence on my arms
And the icy blades of winter against my bare skin

But no shields for me!
No muted strategies, measured smiles, innocuous handshakes
I will stand on real dirt
And let real winds rap around my small figure
Wearing my vulnerabilities

-every one of them-
on the outside.

I have not forgotten
The pain larger than my body
The silent bleeding inside
The ugly bruises of close encounters
My face scratched by hands I have held often
I have not forgotten
Cruelty living nearby
In bodies I have nursed from sickness to health

Right in front of my eyes
Smiles have been blown away with a casual wind
Lives torn apart
With bickering over a birthday cake.
Nothing is safe when cruelty lives so near.

But how can I love?
How can I reach out and touch?
How can I talk?
How can I salvage what is still alive?
How can I stay alive?

If I don’t dare
To wear my vulnerabilities on the outside
Like the icy blades of winter against bare skin.

June 22, 2000

Rainy Times

It poured down
And seemed to have done so
For as long as anyone remembered.

The Sun was but a fading memory
In a wet dark hurried world
Filled with one repeating sound

-mirroring our repeating days-
The hypnotic sound of the pouring rain.


Rain outfits of all kind were cherished
With the reverence bestowed on a vital piece of armor
In times of war!
And the victory of making a life-saving tool
Out of an ancient work of art

Some struggled for a personal touch
A Macintosh and a pair of Wellington boots, for example
Added an air of distinction
And considerable facility to move around.
“We should be more practical” said others
“In a wet dark hurried world such as this”
“A small flashlight would be the thing to have”
“If there was time to look for one.”


But we were busy people
Who could not be hindered by the dark
Or the mud puddles at most waist-high.
Most of us had perfected the art of avoiding puddles, anyway
And maneuvering umbrellas in the dark
To avoid unfortunate collisions.

As for those who slipped
And fell by the wayside
Well, accidents have always been a part of life.
There are those who run and those who don’t.
We were busy people
And it had been pouring down
For as long as anyone remembered.


We knew it was morning
By the sound of alarm clocks
That launched us into working days
In pouring rain
Tied together
Not with hollow pieces of metal
As was done in the ancient world
But with commitment to
Running faster
Needing fewer umbrellas
And making sure we kept
Meticulous trace of all memos and meetings
In cyber space or otherwise.

We did not build temples, pavilions, or palaces
As did people of the ancient world
But rather worked for less concrete, more malleable goals
We lived in the “age of access”
And possessing material goods
Was going out of fashion rapidly
Or so it was said
Remaining “connected” was the name of the game
And four-fifth of the world
Was out of the way conveniently.


At night,
When we reached home

If we reached home
In pouring rain
Worn out by having engaged
In bare-handed combat the whole day
Ghosts from the cyber world

-And the weight of the umbrellas
We carried at all times-

We sank in the nearest chair
And fell back to sleep
With the hypnotic sound of the pouring rain
Without as much as remembering
The success or the failure of the day that had gone by
Probably without an umbrella collision.


There were attempts at noticing one another, too.
Group project, round tables, workshops and such
Big and small ambitions
Good and nasty exchanges
Genuine Question marks
Hollow pedantic minds
Fascination with the sound of one’s own remarks
On unbearably long, dark, rainy days.

There were attempts at noticing one another.


It was on one such dark day
During one such pouring rain
That following a roaring sound
A sudden swift daring blade slashed the dark!
A flash of lightening had struck unexpectedly.

What an unheard thing!
Our rain had been free of thunder and lightning for a long time
For as long as anyone remembered, in fact.
So what on earth was going on?

Some people run for cover
Some froze with fear
And others simply looked in amazement
For one complete instant, the darkness had banished.


In that instant I looked
I looked and saw you
Standing in the rain without an umbrella
Wet and tired, but not hurried or hassled
With a greeting smile
And a readiness to talk
Unknown in such rainy times

For that one instant
The cold mist lifted
The repetitive sound of the rain faded into the background
And I heard my own heartbeat, once more

I took a deep breath
Put my umbrella down
Gathered all the strength and the selfishness I could muster
And called your name.

Who was to tell
When the next flash of lightening might struck!

June 9, 2000

The Bridge

I did not know how close I was to the sky
Until I stood on a bridge one night
With one hand on my chest
And the other on the moon’s surface
The moon’s bright lonely surface
Standing there,
I connected the muddy waters under the bridge
With the smoky restless clouds up high

The sadness of the moon
Had given me courage to stretch my arm!

June 5, 2000

Our Fury!

I shook hands with an aspen once!

How can it be so quiet,
When there is a storm raging inside?
When every cell in the body
Is crying to tell the tale of its mute captivity
But there is not a scream
Loud enough to carry the pain.

I shook hands with an aspen once
How can raindrops not wash away my despair?
Are the “inner” and the “outer” so completely disconnected?
Do you not sometimes see the sky bending over patiently
To heal a broken bone?
Does the air we breathe not connect my loneliness to yours?

I would say the mountains do echo our fury – from time to time
I shook hands with an aspen once.

June 5, 2000

Summer Magic

It is a summer night alive with magic,
Watchful magnificent trees are standing upright.
The cricket’s chores sing from a distant bush,
In the dreamy dark patched with a yellow light.

A sense of wellbeing is spread in the air,
And a mysterious light that grows with growing dark.
A rich green drips from the tip of all branches,
Dissolving instantly in the warm flowing dark.

I sit on the porch sipping my cup of hot tea,
Flavored with orange blossoms from a garden in Shiraz.
The world touches my fingertips curled around the cup,
As I remember a tune played on the Turkish saz.

I remember Mother’s presence loving and forbidding at once,
Like her thorny rosebush that perfumed the morning air.
Her mints and basils green, playful, and fragrant,
Bathing in her attention as she stood there.

Old bazaars, starry skies, and cypress trees follow,
But, poetry flows in my plain, unexotic space.
Sitting on the porch I sip my cup of hot tea,
The summer magic pouring madly on my face.

The cricket’s chores sing at the top of their voice,
Lesser-known singers join in for a tune or two.
Watchful magnificent trees nod and listen,
As most creatures in the flowing dreamy dark do.

May 31, 2000
St. Louis

A Hundred Hearts Caught by Surprise

I catch myself by surprise as I talk
“Is that me?” I whisper to myself

“Is that me talking with
“the persistence of a single bird
“ on a remote rooftop
“singing to a noisy neighborhood?

“Is that me?
“I have come a long way”
I smile to myself
And repeat as if I am dreaming loud:
“I have come a long way
“shedding the ashes of silence
“to speak with the frankness of a burning piece of coal

“Naked, glowing, and articulate!
“Setting fire to whatever dares come close.
“I sure have come a long way!”

There is a moment of pause
A quiet soothing instance of contemplation
And a simple satisfying sense of being
No particular urge to say more
But I continue:

“My voice is carried by a wind from the East”
Now I speak in the imperial tone poets can fake so well
And there is a distinct tinge of excitement
At the exotic sound of the word EAST
(wondering if anyone caught me “othering” myself!)

“My voice is carried by a wind from the East”
“But my heart is not bound by direction
“For I have a hundred hearts
“Each beating in a different chest
“pumping blood into bodies I don’t even recognize”

No more imperial aloofness!
Now I glide playfully from word to word
Feeling weightless, completely free from space
With a pleasure rare to poetic flights.
Taking the words in one by one
To Savor their color, flavor, and taste
drinking them like a cup of cold nourishing milk.

I am interrupted by an intruding thought
And look!
Now, I am pulling my own leg:
“Pity each heart is filled
“With uncertainties of a hundred kind!
“Pounding to make sense of its own confusing race”
“Not able to see an inch beyond personal despair”

“So what!” I argue with myself shrugging my shoulders
“I am not alone in this
“We all need a cure for the color-blind eye
“that denies the sky its vibrant overflowing turquoise!
“And a heart obsessed with the rhythm of its own pounding.”

I must have been effective
For, there is another pause
A longer one this time – and not of the contemplative kind
I feel the tingling of agitation inside
Not so much anger as one might say eruption.
In fact, it is hard to stay seated

“Point me to one hermit!” I almost shout at the top of my voice
“Point me to one hermit! One wakeful eye!
“And I will walk you through the night

“To where the orange blossoms greet a new sun
“every single dawn

Then I lower my voice:
“ And I will take you to that
‘remote important region’ I visit every time I talk.”

I sit down,
Catching myself by surprise once more
Like I do every time I talk.

May 19, 2000