I am a naked tree without my laughter!
No noisy bird songs
No sunlight dancing on the green palms of my hands
No green palms!
No rustling to tease the wind out of its childish rage.
Only the weight of silence on my arms
And the icy blades of winter against my bare skin
But no shields for me!
No muted strategies, measured smiles, innocuous handshakes
I will stand on real dirt
And let real winds rap around my small figure
Wearing my vulnerabilities
-every one of them-
on the outside.
I have not forgotten
The pain larger than my body
The silent bleeding inside
The ugly bruises of close encounters
My face scratched by hands I have held often
I have not forgotten
Cruelty living nearby
In bodies I have nursed from sickness to health
Right in front of my eyes
Smiles have been blown away with a casual wind
Lives torn apart
With bickering over a birthday cake.
Nothing is safe when cruelty lives so near.
But how can I love?
How can I reach out and touch?
How can I talk?
How can I salvage what is still alive?
How can I stay alive?
If I don’t dare
To wear my vulnerabilities on the outside
Like the icy blades of winter against bare skin.
June 22, 2000